River is our first child to not have to spend time in the NICU. Consequently, even though she our third child, there was quite a bit that was new for us.
For example, caring for the umbilical cord. Both Zuri and Kai's umbilical cord had fallen off by the time they came home. Another first was the sleepiness of newborns--the other two had already reached established patterns of wakefulness before they came home.
River would basically sleep and sleep, and when she was awake, she was either eating or fussy. Okay, that is an exaggeration, but there was a lot of crying. I read somewhere that babies cry more in the first three months than any other time. I believe it--especially the first month.
Then there were the nighttime wake-ups (she still wakes up once to twice a night, but for the most part, she goes back to sleep pretty quickly after eating). She would wake up every two to three hours, eat, and then be awake for another hour or so. It wouldn't have been so bad, except she wouldn't allow us to put her down.
Needless to say, I was pretty tired. The picture very accurately shows how I felt (I was actually going for a nice picture showing River finally asleep). I can do anything when I am rested, but when I am overtired, watch out!
I thought I remembered how it was--after all, I would wake up every three hours and pump while Zuri and Kai were in the hospital--but there is a big difference between pumping for 20 minutes and going back to sleep, and feeding the baby, burping her, then being up for at least another hour trying to get her back to sleep. I have never felt so exhausted. There was even one time after a really bad night, I finally woke J up to take over with River, and I sat down on the bathroom floor and cried because I felt I just couldn't do it any longer.
It was the first time since Kai was in the midst of his blue period that I felt like giving up.
Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who understands that lack of sleep is a trigger for me, and the next day basically let me sleep all day (except when River needed to eat).
At that point, I realized that I needed to stop trying to do it all myself and rely on J more. I had been trying to let him sleep and not wake him because he works, but he is always more than willing to take care of the kids so I can sleep. So there was about a week where I would feed River and then hand her over to J to burp her and get her back to sleep. It worked out quite well, even if we were both a little sleep deprived, it saved my sanity.
Then an amazing thing happened, we moved her to own room, and after three rough nights, she started sleeping three to five hours at a time! Whoohoo! At three to four weeks I wanted to move River out of our room. I was ready, which is huge for me because it was a few months before I was comfortable enough to move Zuri to her own room. River would wake up to J's snoring, or when one of us shifted in bed, so even our "sleep" didn't feel like sleep. This time it was J who wasn't ready; he wanted to keep her in our room for a little longer, so we compromised at five and a half weeks.
Oh my, what a difference! After the initial adjustment, we all slept better! I feel like a human again, and although I am still tired, it is manageable, and it is rare that I have to wake J up to take over. Win on all ends!
I remember being tired with Zuri, but not utterly exhausted. It is different with more than one because with Zuri I would take the opportunity to nap in the morning when she did, and Kai has had a nurse at night since coming home from the hospital. I don't often get in a nap with River. I will get up and get Zuri ready for school and usually by the time Zuri leaves, River wakes up. By the time River goes back to sleep, Zuri is just about to come home from school (half day kindergarten, which is really only two and a half hours). Even with a nurse taking care of Kai, at most I have only managed a half hour nap. Still, better than nothing.
There was one night when I was really tired and just wanting to go back to sleep after she ate. As I was burping her, she pooped and fell asleep. I changed her, trying my best not to wake her, but to no avail; she was wide-eyed. She was acting hungry again, so I brought her up to my chest to nurse her. Instead of latching, she gave me the biggest, gummiest smile and cooed. One of those moments that completely melt your heart.
Overall I am doing really well, tiredness aside. This has been the quickest and easiest that I have recovered, and I have been one of the lucky women not to suffer from PPD. Quite the opposite; there is almost a relief once the pregnancy is over--perhaps because my pregnancies have been so uncertain and stressful. But the love and the joy that comes from adding a new little spirit to our home is just unmeasurable. We were all ready for her, and to see Zuri's love for her sister is so sweet. As with anything big and new, changes occur, and it takes some time to smooth out the wrinkles.
Another adjustment has been going out. For the most part, River does really well when we go out--as long as we are in motion. When we stop moving she tends to get fussy. I'm hoping that she will travel well like her siblings. She doesn't like the car seat, and there have been times I have had to pull her out in the middle of the store to hold her. Although, I do remember River being worse initially when I went out.
This series of pictures was one of the rare times that she actually took the binky. Try as we might, we have only managed to get her to take the bottle once, and the binky about a handful of times. She is stubborn, only wanting the real thing. It would make life so much easier if she would take either one (both would be ideal), but it is a work in progress for now.
I have solved the problem of her always wanting to be held in two ways: the sling and the swing. Heaven sent, I tell you--especially the swing; it's the only way I am able to get anything done. I really want to try the moby wrap thing, I just haven't had the chance to get the fabric for it yet.
Bath time has been hit and miss. There are times when she will cry most of the time she is in the bath, and times when she will only cry when I wash her hair. She really hates having her hair washed, which is funny because that has always been Zuri and Kai's favorite part (well, Zuri's until she could sit in the tub on her own, then she didn't like it).
This little girl is such cutie, and her smile is infectious. Her smiles and her coos make it all worth it, and I can't get enough of her. I can't wait until her personality really starts to emerge. I have officially come out of the "baby coma" --that stage where sleep deprivation makes everything a haze--and I am enjoying all the joy this little one adds to our family.
I cherish every smile and every coo. I love that she stares into my eyes and can hold her head up for short periods of time. I missed all that with Kai, so I don't take it for granted.
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