Calm Amidst the Storm

Covid drive-through testing tent at Riverton Hospital

The only thing constant about life is change.

Three weeks ago on March 1st--before all the insanity of Covid-19 hit the United States, before the shut-downs and social distancing, before the hoarding of toilet paper, water, and hand sanitizer--we took Kai into the ER at Primary Childrens. He had two different infections running through his body. One in his ear and another on the hardware of his MAGEC rods. They kept him at the hospital for a week. 

While everyone was starting to hoard supplies, we were working out schedules to take care of our children and spending most of our time in and out of the hospital. We didn't have time to panic or worry about some virus across the world that we thought would end up being more hype than anything. 

feeling better at the hospital

Friday, March 6th, Kai came home from the hospital. By the following Friday, all schools had cancelled school for a minimum of two weeks. All extracurricular activities cancelled, all church services suspended, and social distancing became a thing. 

Wednesday morning, the 18th, Utah experienced its biggest earthquake since 1992--magnitude 5.7--and the epicenter was about ten miles from our home. Thankfully, the damage was minimal: two small map tubes rolled from my bookshelf, and a package of diapers and a notebook fell off Kai's shelf. We have continued to feel aftershocks throughout the week, including one this very evening.

Yet, through all this upheaval, we remain optimistic. The pandemic is very real and we are doing our part to flatten the curve, but it is also giving us time that we wouldn't otherwise have in our busy lives. We laugh, play, take walks, watch movies, and do online schooling together. My girls are in year-round school and as of Friday, they are officially off-track until April 20th, so thus far they are only missing one week of school instruction.

chatting with friends

The girls have handled all the changes with the adaptability and spunk of youth. They love not having school, and hate not being able to play with friends. They are more worried about another earthquake than the virus. With the awesomeness of modern technology, Zuri spends much of her time video chatting with her friends. She is able to continue her karate through live video streaming through zoom, and for volleyball they have videos prerecorded to help the kids with technique. The girls' dance hasn't done anything yet, but they will put the girls' individual dance choreography online for them to practice in the next week or so. 

Kai even has homework along with school check-ups via email. We need to continue going to the hospital for weekly labs to make sure the infection in his rods is kept at bay. It's all a whole new temporary normal that we're navigating, and it hasn't always gone smoothly, but we're figuring it out as we go. 

With all that's happening right now it's really easy to get caught up in the anxiety of it all, and we are not immune. Most of the time covid-19 is just something in the back of my mind. But in the cracks between moments, fear of what's inevitably coming sets in. I've done the research. I've seen the graphs. I've watched the recordings coming from the overcrowded intensive care units in Italy. I've read the reports of doctors and nurses having to choose who has the most chance of recovering and treating those people, dooming the others because there are too many people and not enough resources.

working on school work

That could be us. It could be a choice between my grandparents or my son. We need to do our part to slow the curve so that our healthcare system is not over capacity. No, it doesn't stop the infection or the number of people who contract it, but it slows the rate so that everyone who needs care can get it. Thousands of lives can be saved if we slow the curve. But it will only work if the majority of people comply, and I know people--good, decent people--who won't, because their family is not "at risk," and they don't see anything wrong with socializing if everyone's "healthy." They don't understand--you can be a carrier for up to two weeks and not have any symptoms. It both infuriates me and breaks my heart. 

Then there is the other part of this that not many people are talking about. The virus is mutating. To my knowledge are at least two different strains, and younger people are starting to get sicker. An otherwise healthy woman in New Orleans died of covid-19, and she wasn't much older than me.

This is real. This is coming. And there is nothing I can do except hunker down and do my part in protecting not only my family, but my friends and neighbors, and all others around me. 

And that is some of the good that I have seen come out of this. I've noticed people have been friendlier--they'll smile and wave as we pass each other (at a respectable distance of course) on my daily walks. We appreciate everyone who has reached out to check on us; friends and family who live both near and far. We are very blessed to live in a community that truly cares, and be surrounded by so many wonderful people. We're all in this together, and I think we feel it. 

There's a sense of peace, and it calms the storm of fear that wants to rage.

I don't know what the coming weeks will look like. In many ways it feels like when Kai was first born--all we could do was manage one day at a time, until we realized a month had passed, then two, then a year. We are all going to need to support one another in the coming months, especially in the aftermath of the virus, as we pick up the pieces of our lives, our economy, and our dreams and start to put it all together again. May we all be a little kinder and lift one another through this.

As for me, I'm going to hold my little ones close and weather the days ahead. 

One at a time.

Moving On

Life's been a little crazy around here these last few months.  I have a lot to post and not much time, but I will get to it.  I've been doing a little reflecting today as I have been packing and cleaning our house.  You see, we are selling our house.  It's a bittersweet thing for me.  I am excited for the new adventure, but we have loved our first home (even with its quirks and all the shortcuts the previous owners used), and it is hard to let go.  However, Kai is growing to the point where we need a place that is more disability friendly...where we don't have to carry him up and down the stairs, and where his wheelchair has a place (currently sitting in our garage).  He is nearly 50 pounds, which is the limit the nurses can lift on their own for liability reasons.  What that means is that I am hauling him up and down the stairs for school (and when we go out).  I nearly threw out my back again a couple weeks ago...it was bad enough that I had a hard time when I wasn't in constant motion.  Luckily, it wasn't bad enough to keep me down.

So, for the last few months we have been working on getting this house sell-ready.  We put in a closet in the downstairs bedroom, we fixed a tile that had popped up in the entryway, painted, sanded, mudded, caulked, tried to fix a pipe but ended up having to have a plumber come in, packed, dejunked, and more.  It's been crazy.  From the time I get up until I drop, I've been working on the house (and taking care of kids and the normal stuff).  I'm at the point where I am so ready to be done...and there still seems to be so much more to do.

 We have thought this way and that on how to keep our current home and make the modifications necessary for Kai, but in the end it boils down to the fact that we just need a home with a different layout.  Our hallways and doorways are too narrow, so even if we were to move him into Zuri's room upstairs, we would still have the hallway issue, and then he would be secluded away from the family, which is the main reason we have him in the family room downstairs.  If we were to put him in the living room upstairs, he would take up the entire room (we tried that when we first bought the house) and then we wouldn't have anywhere to be upstairs.  Not only that, but the nurses would have to be uber quiet during the night so they don't wake us up.  Our stairway is too narrow to accommodate a lift, and even though we have a walk-out basement, the grade between the front and the back is too steep to safely navigate his wheelchair.

So, the time has come to sell our home.  We love having the park right behind us...that is going to be the hardest part about leaving.  We also love our neighborhood and our neighbors.  Our location is ideal, being close to a major highway and shopping centers, yet tucked away so it doesn't feel like we are.  We see wildlife (I saw a skunk just the other morning as I was letting the dog out--luckily she listened when I called for her to come back to me, otherwise we might have had another stinky dog).  We watch amazing sunsets while eating dinner.

We have settled into this home and have loved it.  After moving so much in the beginning of our marriage, it has been nice to have been in one place for a while.  However, I am excited for the new adventure our next place will bring.  Once we sell our home, we will stay with my grandparents until we find (or build) a suitable home.

For now, posts may be sparse, but they will come.  Until then, I say goodnight.

Eagle Lake

The hike to Eagle Lake is fairly easy, only a mile and about 420 foot climb in elevation altogether.  With eight kids in tow, especially the younger ones, it took longer than expected, but overall we had a good time.  River, Zuri, and the puppy loved all the attention from Chantal's kids.  The lake was supremely cold (it always is), so even the kids really didn't want to get in.  The puppy was the only one who really played in the water, but the poor thing was shivering when she got out.

Emerald Bay; you can barely see the island center left through the trees

Interestingly enough, before this trip, I had been rethinking the idea of adding another child to our family.  At times it feels as though I am stretched as far as I can go, and I am comfortable with the family dynamics as we have them now.  Watching Chantal's kids (crazy and chaotic as it was) really brought to light a certain longing for a big family like that of my own.  Growing up in a very unusual family situation, there were times that I functioned as an older sister, but mostly I was an only child; it just being my dad and me.

On the hike, once you go past the falls, you need to have a wilderness permit.  I don't remember having to have one when growing, but we dutifully filled one out at the entrance.  Parking fees are another new thing.  It's sad that everything has to be so controlled now, although I think it may have deterred some people from continuing the hike to the lake because the falls were a lot more crowded than the lake.  There were still quite a few people at the lake, but it seemed that most people turned around after the bridge at the falls (where you have to have the permit).

Another, clearer shot of Emerald Bay

Nana with Pepper--she loved walking the puppy, although I had to take over about midway through the hike because Pepper was pulling too much trying to get to the lead person.  We're still working on that with her

River being cute

Hiking up

Chantal, and Travis holding Bryson

The river with Lake Tahoe in the background

All eight kids together--getting a picture with all of the focused and looking was hard; this was the best one

Lake Tahoe; the view was breathtaking

I guess we should have brought the hiking carrier; J. ended up carrying River most of the way

Cute Zuri--always doing poses

More poses--Brooklyn and Zuri

Bradley and Maddie

Taking a quick break to let other hiking on the opposing side go by; the puppy was eating up the attention from the kids

Zuri hiking

Eagle Lake! We made it!

This was the first time the puppy has been in water where she has to swim because it's over her head.  It took her a bit to learn but she loved it

The kids waded to the rock but huddled together on the rock not wanting to play in the frigid water

If you look behind Zuri, J. went across to the small beach area with River but no one else wanted to be in the water long enough to go across

hiking back

She almost fell asleep like that

One last glimpse of the lake

A pooped-out pooch!

Zuri taking selfies on the drive home.  I had no idea she was doing this, haha!

River was exhausted--it is a very rare occurrence for her to fall asleep in the car.  Her nap lasted less than an hour, but was still much needed!  The girls were both awake the majority of the ride home

The moon rising.  It was huge in the sky; this picture doesn't do it justice