When They're Sick

It's heartbreaking when your little ones get sick--especially when they can't tell you what's wrong.  Poor River caught a cold and hasn't been herself for the last week.  She had a low grade fever just over a week ago, but it went away with some tylenol and sleep, so we didn't think much of it.  Then she started to get really clingy, and her nose started running.  Then she had a rough sounding cough.  We finally took her in just to find out that it is only a cold with a mild sore throat.  Nothing to do but wait it out.  Meanwhile, she's been attached to me like glue, and even then pretty miserable. 

It is so hard because I can't just lie around and cuddle with her the way I wish I could.  I guess that is one of the biggest differences between your first child and any other.  With Zuri, when she got sick, I was able to devote all my attention to her, but with River, I have Zuri and Kai who also need me.  It's the hardest thing to have to put River down and have her cling to my leg, crying, because I need to do something with Kai--even if it is just for a few seconds.  My hat is off to parents with a lot of children, because I don't know how they do it. 

This weekend she has finally started feeling better, although her appetite still hasn't completely returned.  It's good to see her cute little personality returning.  Here's hoping for a speedy recovery!

Celebration of Life

There's a memory which often plays in my mind whenever I think about how big Kai is getting.  It was when we had Kai fitted for his adaptive stroller.  As the PT was explaining how the chair worked, he made mention about how the stroller can be used on a bus and strapped in, so we wouldn't have to take Kai out of the chair during transportation--and when he goes to school.  At the time, I was so focused on simply getting through one day at a time, the concept of Kai being old enough to go to school, let alone all the complications that school brings, was beyond me.  Day to day survival was all I could manage. 

Sometime between then and now, things shifted.  I can't pinpoint an exact day; perhaps it was a gradual shift, but at some point I began looking ahead more and more.  What started out as survival has become more--I started to see a couple weeks, then months, and now even years into the future.

At times the future is full of hope and promise.  He's gaining more strength in his neck--perhaps he will be able to hold his head up on his own after all!  Look, he's purposefully playing with a toy! At times the future seems bleak as reality sinks in.  You know that celebration that many parents do when their last child is finally out of diapers? Not us, we will always be changing diapers.  How am I going to lift him when he is 20, 30?

The hardest times are when I see other kids his age.  He has a cousin who is two months older than he is.  Two months.  To watch his cousin grow is bittersweet.  They should have been best buds.  They should be rambunctious little boys together. 

But that isn't my reality, and most of the time I don't even think about it anymore--except lately, as Kai's fourth birthday approached.  My thoughts turned introspective, and that is when it gets hard.  I suppose you never really completely get over the loss of the dream of the child you thought you'd have.  The little boy who would be playing in the mud, and t-ball, and terrorizing his sister.  Even simple gestures like, "mommy hold me," take on such meaning when your child doesn't speak at all.

Yet, this little preschooler is full of love and life.  He may not be able to tell me he loves me, but when I pick him up, he smiles and snuggles into me, and I know he does.  He laughs easily, and is more aware than he initially appears.  His favorite color is orange.  He prefers ice cream over apple sauce, and suckers over ice cream.  He loves strings of beads.  Blankets, especially the small receiving kind, is his toy of choice.  He enjoys other children, and is much more tolerant of them than adults.  If an adult were to touch and move his hand, he will pull away, but if a peer were to do the same thing, he would let them. 

Four years ago, this little boy was born and taught me a whole new definition of motherhood.  He rewired my thinking about life and love and God and the good that still exists in this world.  I am thankful for that, and I am thankful for him.  I am proud to be his mother. 

Inverness, Scotland

 Returning to my trip last year: We spent our second day in Scotland touring the small town of Inverness--the closest town to our castle cottage.  It was strange coming from the heat and humidity of Japan to the cool, dry climate of Scotland.  It rained on and off throughout the week we were there, but the temperature rarely got warmer than sweatshirt weather.

We found a parking garage a few blocks away from the Inverness castle, and hoofed it from there.  The city of Inverness is pretty small, and we spent a lot of time wandering and shopping for souvenirs. 

This local "paper" changed each day and each caption was pretty funny.  It was posted right outside the parking garage

A picture of a random house.  I just liked the look of it.

Inverness City:

Can't visit Scotland and not have bagpipes, right?

I was trying to photo-bomb her selfie--it was kind of a theme throughout the trip.  We all tried to photo-bomb each others selfies.  Nikki, especially, was adept at getting mine.

Cheesy smile from me--Nikki looks less than amused.  Alex and Jamie are oblivious.  To the left is the hillside to Inverness Castle.  It was set right in town, which was unusual for most of the castles we saw.

Taking a picture of the castle

We walked up to the castle and it has a beautiful overlook of the city. 

Inverness Castle:

Selfie with the Castle!

 

 

Just because we are all spazz's, we compared how incredibly pale we all are--and what's crazy is that Emily was the darkest of us all.  I am the third arm down.

Random sticker on a light post--but I like it.  Inverness Castle is in the background.

Some American flavor thrown in--we wandered through a mall and saw these very American restaurants in the food court. 

Walking along the city we found this interesting gem:

Emily found Mountain Dew.  Help us all.  There were a lot of known "candy" items, but there were more than a few that none of us had ever seen or heard of.  Since we are all native Californians, maybe some items are just available on the east coast?

We stumbled upon this graveyard and old church.  The graveyard also had a nice view of the city,

The view:

Spring

We've been spending lots of time outside enjoying the unusually warm spring weather.  It seems as though the days just fly by. 

River is all about spending time outside.  She is funny, just walking around, exploring the yard.  She throws a tantrum whenever it is time to come inside.  She's gotten pretty good at tantrums lately.

Kai is really enjoying school, and I think we are finally getting him back onto a day/night schedule--for the last several months, he has been awake most the night and sleeping the morning away.  He is finally sleeping at night and getting up in the morning time.  Cross your fingers it will continue! 

Zuri is excited about her upcoming birthday.  She has been on countdown mode for the last month.  She has also invited pretty much everyone she comes in contact with to her birthday party.  Funny kid.

Exploration

 It's almost night and day difference in Kai since his surgery.  He still has his fussy days, but overall, he is back to being a happy go-lucky boy.  He is still ambivalent about the puppy, but he's becoming more interested in her.  He even reached out to touch her--which is a big deal.  He stopped sucking on his fingers and stretched out his arm to her, and kept it there long enough for me to get a couple pictures. 

He is very particular with the things he will and won't touch.  Almost everything is on his "no touch" list, but he does enjoy reaching out and touching my tablet briefly--just enough to mess with my games.  ;-)

I love the awareness that he is showing with his immediate environment.  I also love that he is beginning to explore.  It's small things like he will put his hand on mine for several seconds.  If I try to hold his hand, he will pull away, but if I allow him to rest his hand on mine then he will keep it there.  The first time it happened I thought it was a fluke.  The next time I realized it wasn't and it brought tears to my eyes.  My little boy was reaching out--to me.

Small things that make huge differences.

Life Rolls On

One of these days my life will slow down, but right now life is rolling forward at what seems breakneck speed.  Three kids and a puppy.  Oh my.  I have tons to post, and plan on getting all caught up...sometime soon.  In the meantime, if there is a dearth of posts, just know I haven't forgotten, I'm just busy with my precious little ones.