January Baby?

It's time for an update on the baby!  After three specialized ultrasounds at IMC, we were finally able to see everything that we needed to see!  Our little girl is stubborn and just doesn't want to cooperate!  At the first IMC ultrasound they found that just like the initial ultrasound at my doctor's office, she was measuring right around a week small.  During the second IMC ultrasound they officially changed the baby's due date from December 25th to January 2nd.  They were unable to see the baby's spine and heart clearly in the second ultrasound due to her positioning, so they wanted me to come back a third time so they could check those and measure her growth.  In the third ultrasound she was still being stubborn, but we were able to get a clear shot of her heart and spine.

Everything is looking really good, and her growth is right on for the January 2nd due date.  They felt confident enough that all is well that I don't need to go back in unless my doctor recommends it.  What a relief to hear that all looks well, especially her growth.  I was really starting to worry about it.  I am starting to get comments all the time, "you are pregnant?...I didn't even know...You aren't showing much at all."  Not very comforting when you are in your third trimester and have a history of small babies.

Zuri had a dentist appointment and the dental technician (who couldn't get over how cute Zuri is and kept saying what a heart-breaker she will be) was getting everything in place for the x-rays.  I started to shift from my position to get out of the radiation field and she asked, "you're not pregnant, are you?"  I confirmed that I was, and she said, "I would have never known, you must be all belly, then!"  because it was raining.  Even still, I feel like an elephant.I wish!  To be fair, I was wearing black dress pants and a loose flowing blouse with a light jacket

The baby is in breech and pike positions.  Which means that her head is by my belly button (remember I carry low) and her bum is right on my cervix and bladder.  Little stinker.  She likes to keep her legs right over her head (I think either Zuri or Kai did that too--must be Zuri because I remember being a little worried and asking the doctor about it).  Both the others were always head down, though (at least in all the ultrasounds), so I never worried about a breech baby.  Of course there is still plenty of time for her to flip.

Top: baby's head and hand.  You can also sort of see her foot up by her head.
Middle:  pike position.  Her belly and legs extending over her head are the clearest
Bottom: another shot of her head and hand near her face. 

At the third IMC ultrasound they tried to move her bum off my cervix so they could get a look at my cervix to make sure everything looked good there.  Every time they would push on my belly to get her to move positions she would move and then go right back as soon as the pressure let up.  They ended up doing a transvaginal ultrasound; it was funny to see her bum resting right on top of my cervix.  I wish they had taken a picture of it--and yes, she is still a girl.  The reason they needed to see my cervix is because of my history of preterm labor (even though in both there were extenuating circumstances).  All looks well, though--no fear of going into labor anytime soon.

At the second IMC ultrasound, we got to see a really good view of her face.  They had switched the camera view from the normal black and white coloring to the sepia/golden color that you often see in 3-D ultrasounds (they did that when they were trying to get a shot of her heart, but she didn't cooperate).  They were checking for cleft lip and we saw her open her mouth and swallow.  It was so cool!  It was also very reassuring, since that was an issue with Kai.  He wasn't swallowing the amniotic fluid like he should have been, which led to it building up; which led to the preterm labor.

We have had much love and support through this pregnancy so far.  There have been a few people who have expressed negative opinions, but they are by far in the minority.  There is one that stands out above the rest, however.  I was in a meeting and taking care of Kai, who was a little fussier than normal.  There was an older lady sitting near me, and when the meeting was over, I strolled over to meet up with J and Zuri who were in other rooms in the building.  The older woman was joined by her husband while I was waiting, and she said, "he's a full time job, isn't he." --Not a question.  I smiled and replied in the affirmative.  Then she said, "and you are going to have another....how are you going to manage that?"  It wasn't the question so much as the condescending tone.  I shrugged my shoulders and said, "we do what we must."  I was more taken aback then anything.  After she and her husband sauntered away, it flashed through my head that she most likely doesn't know that I also have a highly energetic five year old.  A thousand things flew through my mind at that moment--most of them not kind.

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to come up with quick retorts (I always think of the "best" thing to say after the fact), and other times I am glad that I am by nature inclined to be a little more kind in the moment.  I have mixed feelings on which I would rather have done at that moment.  I wish I could have put her in her place, or even given a better response than my wishy-washy answer.  "God always provides a way to those who have faith and try to follow the commandments."

You see, the amazing thing is, I am not worried about how to take care of this new baby, Zuri and Kai.  I have that inner peace that tells me this baby is right for our family.  Will it be easy?  No, of course not, but I have resources, and support.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  If I have to rely on extra nursing for the first few months, I will.  The hardest part will be outings with the new baby and Kai.  I haven't worked that one out yet, although Zuri is more than willing to step up and help push the baby in the stroller.

Which brings me to another point.  Zuri is absolutely in love with her baby sister already.  She is constantly wanting to "hug and kiss the baby."  Where she hugs and kisses my belly.  She even talks about comforting the baby when she cries, and helping to feed the baby.  She cannot wait until her little sister is born, and neither can we.

It feels as though this pregnancy is never ending.  With Zuri and Kai, until problems were found, I really enjoyed the pregnancies.  Even once I got over the shock of the SUA with Zuri, I loved the fact that J and I had created a life together and that life was being nurtured inside me.  While I still feel that way with this baby, the uncertainty and pain of the other two pregnancies have clouded it somewhat--and I just want to have this baby here (or rather, I want it to be January 2nd) so that I can know...

Of course, the baby will come when she decides it is time to come.  As for now, I need to get out of my head and take comfort in the fact that everything looks great for this baby, including her growth now that the due date has been changed.  I know that no matter the outcome, this baby will be perfect for our family.  She is already much loved and we haven't even met her yet!